The Most Dangerous Idea

Émile Auguste Chartier writes (in French), “Nothing is more dangerous than an idea, when it's the only one we have.” What seems to trap us is our perspective, dogmas, and rigidity.  We forget the strange old expression that “there is more than one way to skin a cat.”  By limiting our creativity and perspective we limit our ability to solve problems (be it cat skinning or any other project).  We have the creativity and intelligence to solve our problems once we see that it is our attachment doing things the same way (even when it is no longer working) that is keeping us trapped.  There is always another way of solving a problem.  If you feel trapped try to take a step back to observe the habit or pattern.  Then try something different.  You know the results doing things the same way.  Any positive effort is a step in the right direction and the beginning of the change you seek.

Slow Down!

Too often we get ourselves in positions we regret as the result of rushing or responding with a disproportionate sense of urgency.  Most of us who are not doctors or emergency medical techincians are not making decisions that are matters of life and death.  When we get upset and our heart rate gets up our primal brain thinks we are in fact in a life threatening situation.  Responses from this state of mind are fight or flight; what is said and done is done with aggression and/or fear.   Our fight or flight instincts that helped us survive as cavemen and keep us from getting hit by cabs unfortunately do not help us to be understood or develop the relationships we desire.  Allowing ourselves to be understood requires that we take the time and space we need to become calm and clear.  When we are calm and clear we can discuss our feeling and needs in way that is respectful and constructive to our relationships.  Understanding does not happen through force, aggression, or avoidance.  It is invited when we create a sense of safety by demonstrating calmness, clarity, patience and a respectful desire to be understood and understand one another.

Staying in Character

Don’t be mean (i.e., yelling, cursing, nagging, or any the infinite number of non-constructive ways of aggressively or passive aggressively expressing anger).  I’m serious, it does not work.  There is an interesting expression that is part of our vernacular that people use to describe when they are upset and act out of anger. They say “He (or she) took me out of my character.”  The expression addresses that we have a common view of ourselves as decent, patient, intelligent, and loving, and that when we get upset and act of anger it is not coherent with how we see our core identity.  If you are not sociopathic it does not feel good to treat others disrespectfully.  We may feel justified in acting out of anger, but we do not feel good.  Perhaps the only thing we control in life is our own actions.  If we are to feel good about ourselves we must take full responsibility for the actions we take and take actions that are in line with how we see ourselves and the lives and relationships we want to build and sustain.  By staying in character and being our best and most decent self we do our part and need not continue to experience the regret and remorse of acting out of anger.