Something for You

The holiday season has a way of making many of us feel a little (or a lot) crazy.  Financial pressure, family expectations, colder weather, shorter days, changes in routines all can lead us to feeling out of balance.  When we are not centered and feeling stress we have a tendency to act out in various ways (i.e. being short with people, drinking too much, or being obsessively busy).  The question is, “How can we stay centered during the holidays?”  The answer lies in all the things you do during the rest of the year to be centered.  For example, exercise, creative practices, yoga, meditation, and other spiritual practices.  These are not “extras” to be cast aside between Thanksgiving and New Years.  Self care in this form is essential at this time of year for our emotional well being.  In taking care our selves physically, creatively, and spiritually we intentionally create a positive space where we feel centered and grounded.  This stands in stark contrast to numbing our feelings with alcohol, pushing people away by acting aggressively, or avoiding people through busyness; all of which are maladaptive ways of creating space.  I believe people know how to take care of themselves.  To feel good and not act out during the holidays we must remember to continue (and perhaps increase) our self care in the form of spiritual, creative, and physical health practices.

The Gift of Connection

Connection is one of the most important human experiences.  It is the foundation of trust.  So what can we do to increase our sense of connection and invite others to connect with us?  One answer is that we can intentionally and actively seek it.  To do so our actions and communications need to be honest, respectful, and consistent.  We need to be both more humble and more curious when it comes to other people.  Dialogue guided by internal questions like, "Who is this person?", "What matters to them?" "What do they find interesting?" "What is meaningful?"can create a space to engage and exchange thoughts and feelings.  The participation in this process is connection.  When we feel safe and it is appropriate we can increase connection by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable by being honest about feelings and other deeply personal experiences.  When this type of honesty is received with interest, compassion, and without judgment we truly experience empathy, or in the words of  Siegel and Bryson, we "feel felt." Connection is a process of both giving and receiving.  We give in being honest, respectful and consistent, and we receive in learning about others through benevolent curiosity.  Connection cannot be forced.  It can only be invited.