Fear
and being scared have different meaning within the work we do to heal. Fear is the feeling connected with our
emotional history. It tells us we cannot
or should not do certain things because there has been bad or unpleasant
results in the past. A commonly
experienced fear is that of trusting other people. If our parents were not emotionally
available, or we were in some way violated emotionally or physically as a child
or in earlier relationships our brain which is primarily interested in its own
survival can come to the conclusion that people are not to be trusted. While this type of emotional logic may have
kept us safe in our younger lives it does not serve us in our efforts to heal,
connect, and have relationships that are expansive. I am not suggesting that caution be thrown to
the wind and that everyone is to be trusted.
What I am suggesting is that we limit ourselves by relying too much on
old emotional logic. We can go
further. If we want to grow and heal we
must go further. This is where being
scared comes in. New experiences often
are scary for the simple reason that they are new. When we bravely try new behaviors to connect
and allow others to connect with us we are co-creating relationships with others. While we cannot control another person, we
can show up with the intention to be open and honest and invite another to
share that space. In so doing we allow
our brain to experience that do not need to avoid connection to be safe. As adults we can set boundaries with others
and take care of ourselves. New is not
bad, it just unknown and as such can be scary.
It is the path of growth and healing.
The safety of the restriction and limitation resulting from our fearfully
over cautious brains begs us to stay in the known with the absence of action. If we want change and connection we need to
be willing to take new actions and bravely step into the unknown.
