We Can Solve This

Often with our partners we get so wrapped up in our feelings that we lose the ability to find simple and reasonable solutions to basic problems.  From small things like doing the laundry, or leaving the toilet seat up to bigger things like how money is dealt with there is a fair, reasonable, and respectful solution to any problem when partners can collaborate with the goal of solving the problem.  To solve problems we need to allow ourselves to get unmired from all the repetitive, unproductive conversation of the past.  In these stagnant and frustrating conversations the intention of the couple is seldom actually trying to solve the problem; the goals are usually of a lesser nature like punishing, guilting, and attempting to force one’s point of view.  Collaboration is the answer.  By collaborating with goal of creating a system or solution that solves the problem for both partners, couples set themselves up to succeed.   Questions like, “How can we solve this in a way that is fair and supportive to both of us?” generate solutions that both partners can feel good about.

Christmas is at Our Throats

I am told my grandmother used to say, “Christmas is at our throats.”  A sentiment reflecting the dread many people feel around the holidays.  Holidays and visiting family or having family visit or not visiting family and not having family visit can be highly emotional for many reasons including financial stress, memories of loved ones passed, and negative memories of interactions. What the holidays mean to each of us based on our experience and perception effects our feelings about the holidays.  If we are to come through the holidays with our integrity it is essential that we not act like powerless victims.  We have the ability, the intelligence, and the creativity to make a plan that supports our emotional needs.  The old proverb, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” holds true here. You are not trapped as you may have felt as a child.  As an adult it is important to set the boundaries you need and get the support you need to take care of yourself emotionally.  By intentionally having a plan to take care of ourselves, we put ourselves in the best possible position to survive and thrive during the emotionally charged holiday season.