We Can Solve This

Often with our partners we get so wrapped up in our feelings that we lose the ability to find simple and reasonable solutions to basic problems.  From small things like doing the laundry, or leaving the toilet seat up to bigger things like how money is dealt with there is a fair, reasonable, and respectful solution to any problem when partners can collaborate with the goal of solving the problem.  To solve problems we need to allow ourselves to get unmired from all the repetitive, unproductive conversation of the past.  In these stagnant and frustrating conversations the intention of the couple is seldom actually trying to solve the problem; the goals are usually of a lesser nature like punishing, guilting, and attempting to force one’s point of view.  Collaboration is the answer.  By collaborating with goal of creating a system or solution that solves the problem for both partners, couples set themselves up to succeed.   Questions like, “How can we solve this in a way that is fair and supportive to both of us?” generate solutions that both partners can feel good about.