The Value of Collaborative Relationships

Einstein stated, “Problems cannot be solved with the same mind set that created them.” Often we get stuck in patterns of thinking, feeling and acting that alone we are unable to solve or change.  The value of a healthy collaborative relationships whether with a therapist, friend, partner, or colleague is that in dialogue we can be exposed if we are open to it to another perspective,  one that ideally is not overly attached and committed to the mode that created the unsatisfactory way of thinking, feeling, and acting.  By allowing ourselves to be open to another’s perspective even if we do not agree, the simple act of allowing new information into our minds can serve as catalysts that begin the process of change we seek. That is, if we are open to new perspectives within healthy collaborative relationships, our mind set can change to solve the problems we seek to solve and heal and grow in the ways we desire.

Making Time and Stealing Time

One of the greatest joys in life is connecting and feeling connected with other people.  This is especially true of those we are closest to, our partner, children, friends, parents, colleagues.  Problems can arise when we do not make time to take care of these relationships, by simply making time to be with and connect with these people (whether in person, by phone, skype, et al.).  What tends to happen when the needs for connection are not being met in conscious and intentional ways is that we unconsciously meet these needs through arguments.  In some sense arguments work, especially with couples, because they generate and express passion and demand connection, sometimes for hours on end.  I call this type of connecting, “stealing time.”  However, as anyone who has ever experienced this will attest, this form of connecting is exhausting and frustrating.  We don’t need to operate in this way.  We can get our needs for connection met by making time in our busy schedules to connect with the people we care about.  A little planning, awareness and intention go a long way towards meeting our needs and being able truly enjoy those we care so much about.

The Importance of Appreciation

I often ask my clients what they believe to be the ratio of negative sentiments to positive sentiment expressed to their partner and family.  This often causes them to laugh as they take stock of the imbalance in expression.  It seems in the rush of life it is easy not to comment or express appreciation for the things that are working and the efforts that are being made.  The problem is if we generally are expressing dissatisfaction to those around us without expressing enough gratitude or appreciation the situation can feel negative and hopeless.  The good news is this is a relatively easy situation improve.  Think of all the things you do appreciate about the people around you whether they are your partner, child, colleague or friend.  Express more gratitude and appreciation to the people in your life.  This simple act will improve the quality your life and those around you and many cases this effort serves as the beginning of creating positive and healing communication.