How’s That Working for You?

We all at one point in our lives have engaged in some habit(s) that did not work for us.  The list is long. Some of the most popular are avoidance, procrastination, addiction and aggression.  These habits formed to protect us emotionally in some way and as a result we become attached to them.  At some level they worked.  But for most of us there comes a time when they stop working.  That is, the habit that once served to protect us emotionally now is preventing us from having the relationships and life we desire.  Now what?  The solution has at least two parts: The first part is being aware of the old messages and urges and seeing them for what they are.  The second part is making a conscious choice as whether to engage in that old habit or to do something different, something that dose work for us now.  I quit smoking many years ago, yet to this day when I get upset one of the first things I want to do is have a cigarette.  I listen to the message under the urge which is generally, “I don’t want to feel this unpleasant feeling,” and choose not to smoke.  Instead I process by reflecting on what going on by taking a long walk, journaling, or seeking support.  The point is, it’s not about not having unhealthy messages or urges, it’s about seeing them for what they are and making choices that fit with our lives now and the lives and relationships we are trying to create.