Many people do
not enjoy arguing especial with their partner.
In my opinion the ability to upset and be upset by a partner can be seen
as a measure of how much energy is in the system. If you are still getting upset there is still
a high level of engagement and connection.
The problem is people become exhausted and frustrated by this type of
connection and engagement which leads to avoidance, drift, and apathy. Many relationships end in the words of T.S.
Elliot, “Not with a bang but with a whimper.”
People check out of the relationship.
The energy leaks out of the system.
People get tired of not changing, not being heard, not feeling
understood, and respected and naturally begin to avoid theses frustrating
situation. Nothing can be solved through
avoidance. Relationships are living
complicated multidimensional systems that demand energy to be sustained. I advocate for fighting for these connections
we hold so dear, in way that supports and enlivens the system. Show up for the relationship by consciously
and intentional using the strong feelings to transform the relationship into
something that grows rather than taking the energy away from the system to let
it wither. “Do not go gentle into that
good night./ Rage, rage against the dying of the light,” writes Dylan
Thomas. While physical death may be
inevitable, relationships are of another ilk and can be saved, enlivened, and
transformed from a system that is not functioning well and causing pain to
system that supports, encourages, and fosters all dimensions of growth.
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