The Problem of Fear

Fear is probably the greatest obstacle to understanding, dialogue and change.  Why?  Because, when we act out of fear we avoid whatever the issue is that we are afraid of (i.e. anger, addiction, money, relationships, etc.).  President Roosevelt put it powerfully and eloquently when he stated, “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyses needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”  Fear seeks safety through avoidance, inaction, or violence verbal or physical.  It is defensive in its nature and therefore cannot listen, to be compassionate, and change to heal the issue that is causing suffering to the person, couple, family or nation.

Fear is a natural human feeling and appropriate when dealing with issues of physical safety.  Most of the fear we experience (those who are not in physically dangerous environments) is related to a sense of emotional safety. 

The seeming paradox is that in order to heal the area of suffering we must stop avoiding it.  That is, fear tells us it is not safe to look at or deal with our issues (whatever they may be, relationships, anger, addiction, debt, etc.).  If we refuse to act or change because of fear, we are settling for the safety of familiar suffering.  We are choosing known suffering over the unknown of change.  In short, if we wish to understand ourselves and others, we must allow ourselves to feel the discomfort of looking squarely at what we have avoided in order to heal in that area.  The very act of setting our intentions to stop avoiding begins this process of healing.