Dealing with Our Feral Brain

Our brain for all of its complexity has one objective- survival.  As such it often processes information (which is all emotions are) in theses terms.  It tells us things like, “You must have you way now or you are going to die,” “This person must understand me now or I am going to die.”  It’s very dramatic.  The problem is when we attempt to create a sense of safety through force it consistently yields the opposite of what we want.  Others feel threatened and respond defensively.  Escalation ensues and nobody feels safe.  What can be done?  When we are emotionally triggered we need to take a deep breath and tell our brain something to the effect of, “I am an adult.  I am safe and I can take care of myself.”  We cannot extract safety from another person.  When we are centered and grounded in ourselves, we are then in a position to invite others to understand us.  It takes a lot of practice, but each time we push our brain out of its comfort zone and we do not die it learns to be more flexible and less fearful.  The practice becomes easier.  The positive feedback loop encourages us to continue.  If you have begun on this path I encourage you to continue.  If you have not yet I encourage you to start and assure you it gets better.

Better Relationships in 2015

How can we make our relationships more expansive?  We must let go of the idea that we can control other people and force our will upon them.  The only things we have control over are our intentions and our actions.  That is our part and as adults we are fully responsible for it at all times.  When we show up honestly and curiously to our relationships we create a space and invitation for others to honestly be themselves with us.  When we feel misunderstood or hurt we need to remember what we really want is understanding and connection not to control or punish.  The safety we seek through attempting to control and punish others simply does not work.  Safety is built by consistently showing up in a manner that respects another’s essential dignity.  In taking full responsibility for ourselves and being compassionate and respectful with others space unfolds in which we can connect, grow and heal.