Our brain for all of its complexity has one objective- survival. As such it often processes information (which is all emotions are) in theses terms. It tells us things like, “You must have you way now or you are going to die,” “This person must understand me now or I am going to die.” It’s very dramatic. The problem is when we attempt to create a sense of safety through force it consistently yields the opposite of what we want. Others feel threatened and respond defensively. Escalation ensues and nobody feels safe. What can be done? When we are emotionally triggered we need to take a deep breath and tell our brain something to the effect of, “I am an adult. I am safe and I can take care of myself.” We cannot extract safety from another person. When we are centered and grounded in ourselves, we are then in a position to invite others to understand us. It takes a lot of practice, but each time we push our brain out of its comfort zone and we do not die it learns to be more flexible and less fearful. The practice becomes easier. The positive feedback loop encourages us to continue. If you have begun on this path I encourage you to continue. If you have not yet I encourage you to start and assure you it gets better.
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