The Value of Confusion

When clients tell me they feel confused, I generally tell them, “Confusion is wonderful.”  This comment is often met with laughter or a quizzical look.   I go on to explain, “The feeling of confusion tells us we have left the known.”  The known that most of my clients are leaving is the familiar discomfort of unhealthy habits of behavior (i.e. codependent/ enabling relationships, addiction, dysfunctional work environments).   The known often has to do with compulsively acting in certain fear based ways to avoid difficult feelings.  For the codependent this might mean saying, “Yes” to things they may feel are not right for fear of disapproval or abandonment. For the addict, it may mean choosing to numb difficult feelings through drugs and alcohol.  For those in dysfunctional work environments it may mean continuing to “try to make it work” for fear of change.  Our worst decisions are fear based. Fear tells us if we experience certain feelings we actually die. This is not the case.  Nor is this variety of fear based in adult experience.  This variety of fear is derived from childhood experience when we did not have the tools or perspective to take care of ourselves.  As adults we can recognize how our fear based decisions hurt us and others.  We can consciously and intentionally leave this familiar known and bravely step into the realm of honesty and self care.  I often find clients are not really confused they are just experiencing the growing pains of letting go of fear based habits and moving toward honesty and healing.