The Gift of Understanding

One of the problems of long lasting relationships like those with our families of origin, our spouse, or our children is that behaviors and conversations often become routine.  Because of the long history of relatively consistent behavioral and conversational responses we often come to think that we actually know what the other person is thinking.  Unless one is clairvoyant (which most of us aren’t), we do not know what anyone else is thinking unless they explicitly state it.  Why bring this up in series of posts intended to be supportive during the holidays?   I bring it up in hopes that people will engage in new conversations this holiday season.  That instead of assuming one knows the thoughts of another, that they pose their speculations (however well historically founded) as such and ask questions.  In asking questions, owning our own speculation and listening with the intention to understand, dialogue comes into the present.  The present is where we find the connection and understanding we seek.  One of the greatest gifts we can give this holiday season is act in a way that allows ourselves and those we care about to feel connected and understood.