Language of Possibility

The language we use with ourselves and with each other strongly effects how we feel.  When clients use the words “always” and “never” in a session to talk about themselves or their partners it is red flag for me signifying an area in which they are stuck.  It important to remember problems occur in time.  That is, there was a time before the current problem (or sense of being stuck) and there will be a time after it.  Additionally, the use of absolute language such as “always” and “never” rejects the idea that it is possible to change.  The story that is being told using “always” or “never” is just the one that is getting the most attention and causing the most frustration.  It is not the only story.  When we search our minds there are exceptions; times when we or our partner did not do whatever it is we are accusing them or ourselves of “always” or “never” doing.  Even if there are no exceptions in the past change is possible if people seek change.  Things can be done differently in the present and the future.  I strongly believe that as long as people are alive they can change, if change is what they seek.   A simple way to begin is to be aware of the use of absolute language and to try to use more of a language of possibility.  For example, instead of saying, “I can’t ______,” one could say, “I have not yet_____,” or “I find it very difficult to _______.”  We need not limit the stories we live and are creating through static language, when can speak and live a language of change and possibility.