Killed by Boredom

What a terrible and unnecessary fate for a relationship to be killed by boredom.   Here’s how it works.  Keep having the same conversations and arguments until all the energy is drained from the relationship and it shrivels up and dies.  I am consistently struck by how highly intelligent and creative people often do not use their creativity to work on their relationships.  Instead the approach is akin to the person frustrated by trying to give directions to a tourist who dose speak the language of the land choosing to raise their voice or yell the directions.  No amount of yelling is going to increase the tourist’s understanding.  The problem is the language barrier is preventing understanding.  There are many creative solutions to any problem.  If you find yourself having the same conversations or arguments the first thing is to stop and point it out.  Being able to comment on discourse puts us in a position to change the nature of the discourse.  Use your creativity to generate new material to add to the conversation.  Really listen to your partner to understand them and make them feel heard, instead of defensively figuring out how to dismiss what they are saying.  Being aware and intentional in our speaking and listening puts us in position to break out of unhealthy communication patterns by focusing on understanding, being understood, and connecting instead of unconsciously trying to get our need met through verbal force.