The Problem of Kid Logic

Most of the parts of our lives that aren't working are the result of overextended kid logic. Some call it "defense mechanisms" others call it "defects of character."  To survive the emotional intensity of childhood we needed to create a logic (or narrative) that would give us a sense of order, control and safety.  As children are egocentric, so is their logic.  An extreme but typical example is, "If I were a better kid, my parents would not be getting divorced."  As adults we can see that we were not in control of our care givers or our environment, nonetheless the messages of kid logic continue to influence our adult perception and choices.  Messages like, "I am not enough," "I am unlovable," "People cannot be trusted," were created to protect and serve us.  They do not serve us as adults; they only serve to keep us in the familiar discomfort of  recreating situations that "prove" these messages to be true.  The question is, "How can we treat ourselves and others as an adult in the present?"  Awareness is the answer.  It's not about our brain not generating these messages.  It's about seeing these messages for what they are- kid logic which is driven by fear and the desire to feel safe.  As conscious adults we can ask ourselves questions like, "What do I need?  And how can I take care of myself in a healthy way?"  To move past our kid logic I often recommend to my clients that they write a letter to their younger self expressing appreciation for all the hard work they have done and to let them know that you are an adult now and can take care of yourself.  We can take care of ourselves as conscious adults and meet our needs in healthy ways.  The more we can recognize our fear based kid logic, the more opportunities we have to make decisions driven by chosen intentions rather than reacting to childhood fears.  In so doing, we can build the lives and relationships we seek.