It's Just Your Brain

We seem to take our brain and what it produces very personally; more so than any other organ.  I am of the belief that while we do not control our brain, we do control our intentions and our actions.  We are perceivers of our thoughts and feeling not the generators.  We do have influence over ourselves.  In being conscious of our intentions and choosing actions that are coherent with these intentions we able to create lives that have meaning and direction.  Our brains can frighten and offend us, but it is not who we are.  The more we understand the material our brain presents us with, the freer we are to build lives that make sense and are not driven by fear.  In being conscious we can learn to differentiate and not judge our brain, nor mistake what it shows us for who we are or what we are becoming.

Moving to Solutions

Being right doesn't matter.  We are all right and all doing the best we can with what we have.  In blaming and being righteous we give away our power to change and heal by staying stuck in the problem.  As a client of mine once said, "There is no problem that can't be solved if you break it down into small enough parts." Further, by focusing our energy and intentions on finding solutions we create movement which creates a space where solutions can evolve.  While we cannot control other people or the results of our actions, our power lies in our ability to consciously choose our intentions and our actions.  We need not stay stuck in the problem, nor have the same frustrating conversations repeatedly.  We can use the power we do have to seek and find solutions.

The Value of Discomfort

Often situations are not so direly painful that immediate change is necessary.   We feel discomfort.  Discomfort is very important information; it tells us we are out of our comfort zone.  This is good because it is only in pushing out of our comfort zones that we learn, heal, and grow.  Ideally the discomfort creates an awareness that challenges us to make choices and take responsibility for our lives.  We can choose the discomfort of not changing or the discomfort of changing and trying to create a life that makes sense.  The former is safe in the sense that it is familiar; the later challenges us to be honest with ourselves and those around us in new ways.  Since we are going to be uncomfortable either way it seems to make more sense to choose the discomfort that leads to healing and growth.  Either way it is important to remember that as adults we are free to choose whether we make changes in our lives or choose not to.  

New Chapters

The meaning of a new year depends on the person you ask.  To me one 0f the most powerful meanings is a new and intentional beginning.  We are largely creatures of habit that are only willing to change when we experience so much pain that we can no longer continue in the old habit.  A new year provides an opportunity to reflect on the successes and frustrations of the past year.  It is an opportunity to set our own trajectory rather waiting for pain to right the ship.  I encourage most of my clients to journal as a tool to develop awareness of their inner processes.  At the beginning of a new year I encourage everyone to think and write about their goals in terms of personal growth, spiritual and physical well being, relationships, and career.  If we have visions we can work towards them. Otherwise, in the words of Yogi Bera, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you might not get there.”  You have the heart, courage, and intelligence for the journey.  Choose your path.

Bring the Woo Back

It’s the season of giving.   Unfortunately for many that equals financial stress or simply irritation with our consumerist culture.  I would like to pose the question this season, “How can you bring woo back into your relationship?”  This involves creatively showing our partners that we think about, understand, love and appreciate them.  Too often in long term relationships people feel taken for granted and this creates distances.  At one point the two of you were strangers.  Then there was some attraction and wooing; that was the beginning the relationship.  Humans are creatures of habit.  We seek routine to feel safe.  Unfortunately routine does not feed our needs for romance, thoughtfulness, and appreciation.  In asking ourselves questions like, “How can I be more loving?” “How can I show more appreciation?”  “How can I be more thoughtful?” and answering these questions by taking appropriate actions we can consciously and intentionally bring romance, woo, and generally positive sentiment back into our relationship.  What could be a better gift?

The F*&%#ing Holidays

Once again the holidays are here.  For some they are a time of joy and gathering.  For many they are a time of stress because of the pressure and expectations of family.  The feelings of obligation to show up and play a role that we were cast in as a child but no longer identify with as an adult can be very frustrating.  The question we need to be asking ourselves to navigate the holidays with integrity is, “How can I be the person I want to be in the world?”  In asking this question we can become mindful and intentional about the way in which we navigate our interactions.  This is a stark contrast to simply acting out as the result of pressure; be it internal or external.  It puts us back in the driver’s seat.  As children we were reacting to the world the adults in our lives surround us with.  As conscious adults we do not need to wait for others to lead, we can choose our own direction and take responsibility for our behavior and emotional well being.  This holiday season I invite you to give yourself the gift of integrity by having a plan to take care of and stay coherent with yourself.  Be decent, loving, kind, and set boundaries.

Self Care

 In busy adult life, urban or not, self care is not something that just happens. What I mean by self care are the ways in which we take care of ourselves through spiritual, exercise, dietary, and creative practices. In the rush of life, with or without children, it is easy to slip into unhealthy routines of passive and toxic consumption (i.e. decompressing by watching television, having a drink, and/or smoking, eating fast food, or whatever is in the house). Unfortunately none of these activities actually recharge us; they just let us tune out for a moment or “not deal”. The fact of the matter is we feel better when we take care of ourselves and to do this requires planning and commitment. Some things in our schedules we cannot change (e.g., work and school schedules), but outside of those we can plan to exercise, do yoga, go to church, practice piano, read, eat in healthy way. In doing these types activities we actively recharge. I recommend starting small. Choose an area in your life that you have been neglecting and give it some attention by carving out time for it twice over the next week. See how you feel. Keep going.