Some Ideas about Why Visiting One’s Family of Origin Can Be Difficult

Roles are complicated because they serve a purpose to us and our families.  We are generally type casted early, good kid/ bad kid, social/antisocial, shy/ outgoing, athletic/ scholarly, etcetera. These roles are generally oversimplifications of a trait “needed” by the family and we are “rewarded” in some way or encouraged to keep the assigned role.

 But then we leave the nest in one way or another and redefine ourselves generally in a more expansive and dynamic manner.  Free to become coherent with our own ideals of who we are, and what we are becoming. 

Unfortunately, when we return to our families of origin we are expected to return to the role that we held prior to leaving the nest, one that is usually static and constricting.  It this experience of the incoherence between who we have become and are becoming and the expectation of us to play a static role, that causes many people to dread the holidays and visiting with their families of origin.